I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive and old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5'3 and overweight

I'm a sci-fi fanatic
Mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a whole 'nother me
That you need to see
Go check out Myspace

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black belt in Karate
And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac

In real life, the only time I've
Ever even been to L.A.
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online I live in Malibu
I posed for Calvin Kline, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six pack abs that will blow your mind

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online

When you got my kinda stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot
And I lose a bunch of weight every time I log in

Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online

Hey, I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
(Yeah he's cooler online)

Hey, I'm cooler online
(oh, yeah he's cooler online)

yeah, I'm sitting online

Hey, I'm so much cooler online
(Yeah he's cooler, yeah)

Oh yeah

Copyright: Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Spirit Music Group
Writer(s): Brad Paisley, Charles Dubois, Chris Dubois, John Lovelace, Kelley Lovelace